Standing at the Threshold

Excerpt from:

Seven HeartCentred Steps to Prevent Miscommunications

Kaela had started working on a piece of her own… She hadn’t done so since sometime in March or April…  She had been spending so much time doing things with Malakai, quickening him, supporting him so he could make the transfer out to where she was, and just spending time with him that her writing had fallen to the wayside.

On a writing streak, Michaela switched gears after helping Kai with his business plan. Kaela had started working on a piece of her own, that she planned on posting on social media sometime thereafter. She hadn’t done so since sometime in March or April, and that fact alone was niggling at her. She had been spending so much time doing things with Malakai, quickening him, supporting him so he could make the transfer out to where she was, and just spending time with him that her writing had fallen to the wayside. But something had happened that week, professionally, that she simply had to address, for it wasn’t the first time it had happened. In fact, similar occurrences had happened several times in the past month.

Maybe it was a sign of the times. Maybe it was a sign that it was time for her to get back to doing her own work. So, once again, Michaela tapped into the Winds of Flow. Soon she had completed an entire article: this time weaving in a mind-centred perspective to her traditional HeartCentred Intuitive™ way of writing.

She was excited to share the results with Malakai, but he had been so caught up with his work – his business plan – that it simply didn’t happen. And so, the Expansion of Joy that happens when significant moments are shared with Loved ones, was lost. Instead of him being the first one to read it, comment on it, and De-Light in her about it: that privilege would go to some unsuspecting known or unknown entity out in the world somewhere.

But, at the end of the day, she wasn’t writing this piece for Malakai or to share it with him. She was writing it because she Felt Called to it. She had Received an Inspired Inspiration™. In fact, that Calling and Inspiration came as she and Kai were reading Executive EQ. So, to this Inspiration, Kaela added an Intent Intention™ to follow-through. As a result, she was Gifted with a Sacred Boon: an infusion of Potential Energy that she converted to Kinetic Energy by Acting on it with Love. And that was how she caught the Winds of Flow, gaining Altitude and flying high above the -Turbulence on the earth. It was from this Eternal Perspective that she was able to write the following.

∞∞∞

Let’s admit, as a result of COVID-19 we are in unprecedented times. Those of us who have been working online, or from home offices, for some time have acquired a skill set that is extremely valuable to those who are attempting to Navigate Through the Storm of current events with Confidence, Courage and Grace.

Recently I have had various interactions that have resulted in a complete meltdown of communications, some yielding irreparable ruptures. Yet all of them have either been preventable or mitigated by applying 7 HeartCentred Steps to Preventing Miscommunications:

1. RECOGNIZE and accept that miscommunications happen.

2. BECOME AWARE – for both your Self and for others - of the noise in your communications

3. EVALUATE your Emotional Energy: your tiredness, your level of energy, your tension, your level of calm.

4. CONTEMPLATE: What kind of noise happens when you use and adopt various types of communication as an alternative to face-to-face communication?

5. CONSIDER: What kinds of skills do you lack when it comes to online facilitation skills.

6. SET HEALTHY BOUNDARIES!

7. RESOLVE: To engage in relationship repairs. Resolve to upgrade your skills in these areas.

Imagine what that does for you if you could Navigate Through Communication Storms: cancelling the noise and leaning into the discomfort without fear or anxiety.

Would that be valuable to you?

RECOGNIZE: Looking in the Mirror

I admit it. As a scientist, I was the stereotypical nerd. I lacked interpersonal communication skills. I lacked problem-solving skills. I lacked conflict resolution skills. I admit it. I admit it because that was the turning point in my personal story of growth and development. It wasn’t until I was in the middle of the bush with two other scientists – isolated from every form of communication and contact with the real world – that I discovered this tremendous weakness. It was when my opportunity for advancement in my dream job – held since I was 12 years old – was sabotaged by my supervisor that I learned that vital lesson.

• I was a scientist.

• I was the stereotypical nerd.

• I lacked interpersonal communication skills.

• I lacked problem-solving skills.

• I lacked conflict resolution skills.

Losing the single most important driving force in my life brought me to the place where I faced my Self in the mirror, didn’t like what I Saw, and made the choice to do something different.

That one experience, that one realization catapulted me onto a completely different trajectory when I learned:

Miscommunication happens all the time.

Miscommunication happens for several reasons: something happening for the sender, something happening in the receiver, something happening in between.

There is a graphic, in my favourite textbook that was used in my Business Communications class Looking Out, Looking[1] In by Ronald B Adler and Neil Towne. In the very first chapter, on interpersonal communication, a graphic depicting the process of communication uses seven arrows to both represent the concept of noise, as various forms of static, distractions, disruption or disturbances to communication.

Seven!

BECOME AWARE: Adopting a Noise Cancellation System

They further break down noise into three types:

1. External noise: hinderances between the speaker and the listener.

2. Physiological noise: in the speaker, the listener, or both.

3. Psychological noise: in the speaker, the listener, or both.

As a teacher the significant lesson presented by Adler and Towne is in the sequencing of this topic: it is right at the beginning of the book. I reiterate – touching on the topic of miscommunication in a textbook used in courses on Business Communication happens within the first 5 pages of Chapter One!

Half of the book then addresses how to prevent miscommunications, while the second half builds skills to ensure clear communication.

Half of the book!

It is vital to understand that miscommunications happen.

Adler and Towne are not the only ones that place that much importance on the topic of miscommunication.

Robert Cooper and Ayman Sawaf introduce the concept of miscommunication within the “First Cornerstone of Emotional Intelligence”. It is that important to them as well!

It is in their book, Executive EQ:[2] Emotional Intelligence in Leadership and Organizations, that we as the reader are invited to contemplate our Emotional Energy – whether as sender or receiver - at any moment in time.

• Are we tense?

• Are we tired?

• How much energy do we have?

• How calm are we?

The duo then spent the entire chapter contemplating the ramifications and interconnections when it comes to these four variables and their influence on the levels of motivation we hold.

EVALUATE, CONTEMPLATE, CONSIDER: Engaging in Clear Communication

Consider those questions again, for your Self, considering the present clime. What kind of physiological and psychological noise are you dealing with:

• Are you tense?

• Are you tired?

• How much energy do you have?

• How calm are you?

How is that impacting your ability to engage in clear communication whether as sender or receiver?

What are some of the other elements of noise, due to the present clime?

Consider e-mails, text messages, and Zap calls.

1. What kind of noise happens when we use and adopt these types of communication as an alternative to face-to-face communication?

2. What kinds of noise happens when we use and adopt these types of communication when we work from home?

3. What can we do to prevent miscommunication through noise cancellation methods: reducing external, psychological and physiological noise for our Selfs and for others?

4. What kinds of skills do we lack when it comes to online facilitation skills:

a)    Preventing miscommunications,

b)    Detecting miscommunications,

c)    Solving miscommunications: online?

I ask these questions because during the last month I have experienced multiple forms of miscommunications in various forms, with a variety of influences, and various outcomes.

The Kerfuffle

In one scenario I was contacted by a cohort-mate in a program I had been attending. We experienced a strong bonding moment during our get-to-know-you session – even though I do not do video calls. Tapping into my HeartCentred Intuition™ allows me to Hear the person, to See the individual, to Feel their experiences, to Know where they have been and where they are going.

Thus, for me, my Intuition acts as a Noise Cancellation System.

So, when I connect with people on the phone – or using Zap – I Perceive the person deeply. The guidance I provide, and the mentoring, then is tailor-made to their current situation and where they want to go.

Such was the case with a certain individual.

But miscommunications began to happen.

Suddenly a meeting appeared on my calendar: that I had not initiated! It was on a calendar that I DO NOT USE for booking appointments! Those I schedule or my clients book go directly to the calendar associated with my phone.

Confused, spotting it only hours before the intended event, I cancelled it. I sent a message to the individual apologizing, explaining my confusion, and inviting a rescheduling.

We had a wonderful first session where I suggested a strategic plan of action that would ensure our future work. And I set this individual free until such time as the goals were achieved.

Sometime later I noticed that there was a reoccurring weekly event with this individual on the same calendar: that I had not initiated, that was not on my scheduling calendar.

With my divergent way of thinking I had various thoughts:

1. She had bypassed my scheduling system when she created a meeting in her calendar, adding my email address. It had been automatically added to my calendar.

2. She had created it as a re-occurring event. It could have been intentional. It could have been a mistake. Either way, the assumption that we would meet weekly had not been communicated.

3. Generosity kicked in: Perhaps she was new to scheduling meetings? Perhaps she was new to this technology? Perhaps she had intended on creating one event but scheduled a reoccurring one by accident.

4. And, she did not know. She did not know or understand that as a HeartCentred Intuitive™ who taps into that intuition continually – requiring ultimate health and well-being during my sessions –I am continuously scanning and eliminating noise: external, physiological and psychological. As a result, I limit the number of appointments I schedule during the week; and, I limit the number of sessions I have available for international communications outside of the North American Time Zones. Meaning, I only had two evening appointments for people living in places like Singapore and Australia. She had claimed one, weekly, without asking.

How would you handle that? What would you do?

I, myself, have impermeable boundaries about how I engage in preventing, detecting and Resolving miscommunications of any form.

SET HEALTHY BOUNDARIES!!!

Unlike many other HeartCentred Intuitives™ – because of my background, education, experience, skills and expertise – I engage in what Brené Brown calls Disruptive Engagement and Cooper and Sawaf call Constructive Discontent. I lean into the discomfort. I sit in the fire. I am both willing and able to say, “My relationship with you is valuable. Let’s sit down and talk about this.”

My boundary is that I will – under no circumstances – engage in a relationship repair via text, messaging, or e-mail. It MUST be in person: whether face to face or on the phone. It MUST be at an appointed time that I can prepare for!

This boundary is strong and impermeable.

Eliminating the noise, to me, means cancelling out any potential miscommunication. Eliminating the noise, to me, means increasing the probability of clear communication. Valuing the relationship means setting aside the time that I can prepare for by ensuring I am able to See, to Hear, to Feel and to Know by eliminating any and all internal psychological and physiological noise.

I once had someone approach me just moments before presenting a group workshop, attempting a relationship repair.

That was not the time!

I had the set-up to do.

I was focused. I was intent. I was preparing for my presentation. I was preparing my Self to be Present: to See, Hear, Feel and Know my participants using my noise cancellation methods.

She insisted on talking with me then.

I asked if she had scheduled an appointment with me.

“No,” she replied.

“You are welcome to do so,” I invited.

She did. The night before she cancelled. She didn’t have the courage, the tenacity, the will to meet with me at the appointed time.

Instead, she initiated a text messaging process.

Communicating my boundary, I disengaged.

RESOLVE to Engage in Relationship Repairs

This has happened over and over again. I do not get it.

It is known that miscommunications happen through text, through messaging, through e-mails. Then why do we insist on engaging in relationship repairs that way?

No, seriously, “Why?”

Take a moment to contemplate your most recent communications/miscommunications. What did you do, how did you go about engaging in a relationship repair?

Back to the situation with the scheduling of the reoccurring meeting.

In a brief message, I told the individual that I had cancelled the reoccurring meeting, providing the link to my calendar once again, inviting her to schedule a call using that process. I added a note that I have two evening appointments per week for international calls, requesting she refrain from scheduling multiple appointments. (My calendar is set with a 30-day rolling schedule.)

Next began the appearance and disappearance as messages were sent to me and deleted before I could read them.

I was shocked by the lack of professionalism.

I didn't respond.

One week passed, and a new thread appeared. Mixed among some of the things we had talked about was the introduction of a new topic: a 30% referral fee.

It was true that because she now understood what I was all about, what I was doing: she had connected to her network. But, there had not been any discussion about referral fees.

Having worked in corporate settings and business for over ten years, I had established patterns of formalizing agreements through written legal contracts. Had this been part of our discussion, I would have initiated that process. But it had not happened, the process had not been initiated.

The second miscommunication in this relationship was happening – in a matter of weeks.

Again, giving her the benefit of the doubt, I deferred the conversation to our in-person conversation.

An onslaught of messages appeared and disappeared: during my workday (noise reduction time), with the repetition of notifications appearing on my screen that was getting on my nerves.

This was beyond acceptable.

I messaged her, telling her to, “STOP!”

Again, I reiterated my boundary when it comes to preventing miscommunications by speaking in person.

She blocked me.

I smiled. I smiled both then and now.

I know that many people who are reading this will question why I was so patient and understanding. Why didn’t I disengage earlier in the process, at the first sign of discontent?

Because. Because I Know, I Understand, I See, I Feel, I Know: I am a HeartCentred Intuitive™. I was once in the place where she is now: caught in a cloud of confusion, taken by a wave of emotion, distracted by all the internal and external noise, hijacked by the physiology of emotion, sabotaged by the psychological negative thought-forms. I have learned to Navigate Through that Storm to Stand Strong and Resilient with Courage, Confidence and Grace.

And that is the roote of my Compassion.

I don’t expect others to be where I am, but I invite them to learn what I have: to obtain the Emotional Resilience and Emotional Regulation that Emotional Intelligence has to offer. For I believe that when we heal the internal factors that interfere with effective communication that HeartCentred Intuitives™ have a unique role to play in our reality.

Navigating Through the Storm requires a combination of optimizing our environment, mastering our psychology and upgrading our skills. When we embark on a journey of mastering Life Skills and Emotional Intelligence we are well on our way to being the kinds of leaders – Lighthouses – we were created to be.

Imagine what that would do for you if you could Navigate Through Communication Storms: cancelling the noise and leaning into the discomfort without fear or anxiety.

How valuable would that be to you?

I want to Learn MORE!